(from my 4/26/14 HoneyIShrunkTheGrief.com Facebook post…revisited and posted here today, 3/31/15, in honor of today being Julie’s 11-year memorial day. Love you, Julie! Miss you! And thank you for remaining an ultra-loving part of my life)
“Love reveals death’s illusion.”
Those words just came to mind and inspired this post. For I’ve come to view Death as one of life’s greatest magicians. Death can (unintentionally, I believe) trick its audience into fearing that horrifying things have occurred. But I’m learning that it’s all a great big illusion. Death does not separate, destroy, and bring one to the ground broken-hearted and in tears. It’s the illusion that does. The illusion-of-death tricks us into believing that it robbed us of what we live for — Love.
Death, at least at first impression, feels like a performer with an incredibly warped, sick, twisted sense of humor; a performer who feeds off of fear and pain. But, I’m finding that the kicker, and beauty, is that this form of death cannot exist if one doesn’t give power to one of this world’s most believable tricks: “the illusion that a loved one — that love — is gone”.
I’m here to declare, to myself, and anyone else interested, that this form of death is bogus. This first impression that is so easy to believe is all a sham. Death is confusing, and convincing — but my heart is, and knows, better. The saving grace and truth is: if I want to connect to a loved one soulfully (the best kind of connection in my opinion), I can do so — at anytime — and in countless ways.
The only trouble is, when in the midst of going through a tragedy, I also recognize that it’s extremely difficult to not be fooled by death’s illusion. Death can be so confusing that it can even make pain feel comforting and sought after…because…well, I don’t know why, but I’ve experienced it so I know it to be true. Maybe pain has the ability to be comforting because it’s distracting. It distracts from the scary, new, and unknown. It distracts from the magician’s trick of “sawing someone in half”…a trick that leads us to believe in the worst. It’s difficult not to buy into this painful version of the experience, even if we know better and realize we’re at a magic show. It’s difficult not to believe that our loved one is gone…because we can feel them sawed, cut — separated — from us. So maybe pain is necessary because it numbs, teaches, and allows for growth…adjustment. I don’t know.
But I do know that love will come to the rescue. Love will show death’s performance in slow motion, and from numerous angles. Love will calm and reveal…and expose what I believe to be one of this life’s greatest truths: Death does not have to be feared…death does not have to destroy, abandon. For death is simply a change, a transformation, that allows the essence of us — love — to become something even more beautiful. Death gives the griever, and the deceased (for lack of a better word), an incredible gift — powerful wings with even greater capability. In turn, making death, as holy and as beautiful as life…as birth. Because death is not the end, but rather a limitless continuation.
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