That’s me in the pic!…dazzling the crowd! Lol…in my homemade top hat and red cape…with my mom working as my assistant!
My mom was scanning some old pics this morning and just emailed this one to me. Gave me the biggest smile! I have such fond memories of the little magic shows I performed as a kid.
Do you have a hobby or any kind of special talent from your childhood that makes you feel good to think about? Would love to hear about it!
(If you’d like to leave a comment, feel free to leave one below, or within the identical post on my FB page)
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My son has this little electronic coin bank. You drop change into its lid, and it has a digital display that keeps a running total of how much change has accumulated. He’s had it for a few years, and the bank was nearly full. He was curious as to if the current $47.00 total was accurate, so he unscrewed the lid and dumped all the change onto the floor and asked me if I’d help him fill it up again. I agreed and sat down with him. We each grabbed a handful of change and took turns dropping one coin at a time into the lid. We got into a nice little rhythm and the time quickly passed. At one point I stopped to look down at the electronic display and was shocked — it read $80.00!…and we weren’t even done yet, we still had a pile of coins left on the floor! I turned to my son and said, “Wow, change sure does add up!” This took me down a reflective path that got me thinking more deeply about change…life’s change…and all of life’s coins that are dropped into me. I looked at the tarnished pennies on the floor and thought about all the imperfections I had experienced in my life. I then thought about how even the imperfect coins that were being dropped into the bank, added to the total; some of the coins sure were ugly looking and far from ideal, but they were just as valuable, and contributed just as much as the shiny coins did. I smiled because seeing this made it easier for me to accept the idea that ugly things in my life have a purpose…and that purpose, although often unknown and understood, is a good one — everything is adding to me. Life sure is full of change. With every passing moment it seems my digital display is changing. And I’m sure I’m not alone, I bet yours is constantly changing too. No wonder why we’re all a little nuts?! Lol Change can be hard to process because we’re constantly being presented with new perspectives. I think about being a parent, and how just when I get used to my son being one age, and behaving in a certain way — he grows, matures, changes…and presents me with a slightly different version of himself. I too of course, am changing alongside him. Our relationship with each other, and with everything, is constantly evolving and changing, because it is never quite the same as it is in this moment. And when I think of change, one of my favorite things to think about is a caterpillar, and how its change enables it to grow wings and fly. Another powerful example to me that change is everywhere, and change is working for us. I’d even bet all the coins in my son’s bank, that each of our changes are giving us our own set of wings.
2:24 “Embracing the limitation can actually drive creativity”
4:22 “We need to first be limited in order to become limitless”
7:39 “I found myself in a state of constant creation thinking only of what’s next and coming up with more ideas than ever”
8:20 “learning to be creative within the confines of our limitations is the best hope we have to transform ourselves, and collectively, the world”
9:15 “limitations may be the most unlikely of places to harness creativity, but perhaps, one of the best ways to get ourselves out of ruts, rethink categories, and challenge accepted norms”
9:30 “and instead of telling each other to “seize the day”, maybe, we can remind ourselves everyday to “seize the limitation”
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The TED.com video referenced above can be found here:
(3/18/13)
David and I volunteer for hospice and went to the nursing home this evening to visit with our friend. We’ve visited with her for months now and have gotten pretty close. In spite of the circumstances, we almost always end up having uplifting conversations. Today we read a children’s book together about two bunnies who fell in love. She sat quietly in her bed as she took in the bright illustrations and listened to the sweet story. Afterwards, she had the warmest smile, and a far off gaze, and I could tell that she was thinking back about a fond memory. She went on to tell me how much she loves the way a child’s eyes look when they are being read to. Funny, I was thinking the same thing about her eyes as I was reading to her. Then we chatted about other things. I asked her, “how are you feeling?” I often cringe when I ask this question, because I fear that someday someone’s going to tell me, “how the heck do you think I’m feeling??…I feel horrible…I’m going to die soon!” I fear that someone will think I’m being insensitive…when in reality, I’m asking because I care and want to know if there’s anything I can do to make them more comfortable. So with hesitation, I ask, “how are you feeling?”…and my dying friend looks at me with this twinkle in her eye and playfully says, “with my fingers!” I start laughing and laughing. She starts laughing. And glowing. I tell her, “I love that…I’ve never heard that before!” “Oh yes,” she says, “we used to say stuff like that all the time. I have a bunch of ’em.” She tells me she likes to make people laugh. And she looks so proud that she still has it in her. She sips her coffee (oh how she loves her coffee), and with the most content and reassuring smile on her face, she tells me, “it’s weak…but it’s still good”
“Yes,” I think to myself, “yes you are.”
We say our good-byes. I know it won’t be long now, and I’ve learned to make good-bye’s count. The three of us have been very fortunate to have had lots of these types of good-byes — meaningful ones that you don’t take for granted. I don’t know how many more we’ll get. Hard. I think the only way I can continue to do this type of work is because I can feel myself grow in a powerful way during these visits. I think it’s because I can feel a sparkly piece of her attaching to me…a piece of her that will live on in me forever. And in David. And now in you. So that comforts me, and brings me peace, and makes me smile…even during times like this…when there are big tears rolling down my face.
When I look at this blind artist’s paintings, I get the feeling that in many ways, he has more vision than a person who can see. It fascinates me how being without, can offer as much, or more, than being with.
Here’s a feel good video that tells his story. It’s about a remarkable young blind man who, of all things, paints. In spite of losing his sight from numerous seizures, he found a way to use his other gifts to help him paint and re-connect with the world. He relies on his other senses to create striking images in his mind…rich and layered images that he has learned to transfer to canvas, by touch. His unique and creative form of painting gives him a valuable and healing gift — another way to communicate.
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This story reminds me of grief. Much of the pain I felt during my darkest days was directly related to the devastating sense of change that comes from death — in particular, the sudden loss of communication that death brings. But as I continue to discover other ways to communicate with my deceased loved ones (through writing, art, music, nature, etc), I become happier and less afraid of death. I attribute this to the fact that it’s very comforting to know that I’m capable of connecting with anyone I love — anytime I need to. Like John, I just have to turn to my creative side, and use my other gifts, to find other ways to communicate.
. Click below to view a fascinating video of John Bramblitt’s story
titled: “The Documentary”
Here’s another painting of John’s that I really like…
“So He Won’t Break” by John Bramblitt (click here for more info on this artist and painting) The following description was taken from the artist’s website. Here’s what John has to say about this painting: “Based on the song from The Black Keys the color for this painting, as all of my music paintings, comes directly from the music. When I hear music I see color; it actually turns out to be in a very consistent way. ‘D’ notes for instance appear to me as a reddish color – the intensity depending on how it is played, and how it is used in conjunction with other notes. I have had people who follow my music paintings actually be able to play songs on a guitar just by ‘reading’ the notes across the painting. More than just a note for note translation though; the painting tries to capture the feeling of hearing the music during that particular performance. A painting of a live performance would differ if I went back and experienced the performance again. There would be a lot of similarities because the music is basically the same, but the feeling and atmosphere of a performance changes every time in subtle ways, and this would affect the painting. I loved the raw feeling of this song, and the way that this type of rock flows, but also has an almost impromptu feel to it. I selected the particular panel carefully for this piece so that the defects in the wood would show through. A crack runs horizontally down the painting (this is a superficial crack, and the reason I chose to use this panel for this piece), and in places the wood grain is allowed to show through. I liked the roughness that this adds to the overall structure of the piece – rock is individual, sometimes rough, but always stands out. I felt this painting should do the same.”
To hold his head high, When he really wanted to die
And you know the difference it makes,
And you know all that it takes,Is love, so he won’t break
He’s crazy from the pain, And can’t get hurt again If he ever falls, I’d be sorry for us all And you know the difference it makes, And you know all that it takes,Is love, so he won’t break Right around the way, Is where they go to pay For remedies and pills, To ease their ills And you know the difference it makes And you know all that it takes, Is love, so he won’t break
Thank You sharing your beautiful visions John. They are incredible! I feel so grateful to have found your work. You inspire me and give new meaning to the word “blind”.
I love the music from the Remember The Titans movie. It makes me think of my dad.
I bought him the movie soundtrack years ago, and I have the best memory of the two of us listening to it on one sunny summer day. We were sitting next to each other in lawn chairs, in a big open field, flying my new remote control plane. The music was playing on a little boom box that sat next to us in the grass, and we were having the best of times talking and laughing like kids. We were rookie pilots and kept crashing the plane! We laughed and laughed! Such a wonderful memory.
Miss and love you dad!
This songs for you…
Remember The Titans “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” My love is alive Way down in my heart Although we are miles apart If you ever need a helping hand I’ll be there on the double As fast as I can
Don’t you know that There ain’t no mountain high enough Ain’t no valley low enough Ain’t no river wide enough To keep me from getting to you
Went for a run this morning and my shoes felt like cold invigorating sponges as they quickly absorbed my neighborhood’s melting wetness. The pavement was so sloppy and slick.
Fun!
I really do love the challenge of running on unstable terrain. I think I love it so much because I enjoy feeling my body adjust to the uncertainty that comes with each next step. Life is such a constant adjustment. Maybe I’m drawn to these little physical adjustments because it gives me more confidence to face other life adjustments that are more difficult for me? I dunno. But regardless, I find it to be fun, so I’ll continue to smile my way through my snowy runs!
During my cool-down walk I got to reflecting more about this. I thought about ice skaters and how they turn the risk and danger of ice into an act of beauty. They see the potential in ice. I too want to see all the potential in this life. These thoughts reminded me to be courageous and seek out the potential in all the wonderfully uncertain environments that life presents to me.
These thoughts also reminded me of Julie. She was a talented ice-skater who competed often as a child. She even traveled on a top-ranked team that competed nationally. Here’s an old pic of her during one of her routines. Makes me smile to look at. Gives me a feeling of peace, freedom, and sense of flight…almost like she has wings.
I just found a gift from Julie that I haven’t seen in the longest time. It’s a special book that she had given me on our wedding day. She highlighted five pages that she wanted me to read. I just went through her highlighted pages and feel overwhelmed with emotion. More than anything, I feel loved. What a tremendous feeling that is. I took 8 pictures to share with you. This book is proof to me that love is a gift that keeps on giving. Love stories never have endings. Love will find a way.
Sue Austin teaches about the power of association.
She associates her wheelchair with thoughts of freedom, and she was curious as to why so many people associate the wheelchair with thoughts of limitation.
One day she was thinking about another form of physical aid — scuba gear — and she was curious as to why so many people associate that form of aid with thoughts of excitement and adventure.
She began to realize that she had the power to, as she puts it, “transform preconceptions by re-envisioning the familiar”. This awareness led to the birth of her underwater wheelchair!
Watch this stunning video and see her gracefully demonstrate the freedom that comes from creating positive associations. She gives such hope that associations can be anything we want them to be!
That was a quote an online retailer used to describe a pair of running shoes I’m considering buying. I love that quote! It paints such a fun and captivating picture in my mind — one that makes me think about Love. Wouldn’t that quote be a wonderful way to define Love? It also gets me thinking about my soul. I want to make it a lifelong priority to forge a soul that can be defined using that quote. I feel like I was born with such a soul, and then it got buried a bit. Now I see my task as one that involves looking for beams of its never-ending light, while clearing life’s rubble and dust so it can once again be restored to its original from-the-factory condition…one that was/is radiant and pristine…one that serves as a beacon to remind me that I’m still, “light as a feather, and tough as dragon scales!”
I just got back from a nice and snowy walk with my son. It was an extra special one because today marked Cleveland’s first big snow storm of the year — so we were really appreciating the falling snow and our pure and white snowy surroundings. Shortly into our walk David became fascinated with the way his boots felt as he traveled across the soft blanket of snow on the ground. He turned to me and said, “It’s cool how little pieces of snow can combine to make something so thick.” I loved his thought, and it got my mind racing. I thought about how in a world full of billions of people, we are each like a tiny tiny little snowflake. Small and insignificant? No way! It helped me to see how when we combine our beauty with others, we can really contribute to something amazing and substantial. Made me feel small and beautiful, yet connected to the world in big ways!
The image above is from nature photographer’s Steve Gettle’s website, and can be found within the following fascinating post on snowflake photography http://www.stevegettle.com/pages/2008/12/
About this video:
I watched this It’s Not Fair Having 12 Pairs Of Legs video at a TEDxAkron event (held at Akron University on 10-26-12) and was mesmerized by Aimee Mullins’ ability to “Overcome Deficiency”. .
Here are some of my favorite thoughts she shares in this video: . “My legs could be wearable sculpture” “Provoke the senses. Ignite the imagination” “Change the conversation to one about Potential” “We have the power to create whatever we want to create. Design yourself from a place of empowerment” “Celebrate our disabilities and our heartbreaks…they make us beautiful.” .
One reviewer wrote, “She makes it clear that with enough attitude, you could pull off anything.“
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What an incredible woman! A true master of illustrating potential. She made me question my own “disabilities”, and in doing so, made me feel like a superhero.
Here’s another video I really enjoyed that was shown at TEDxAkron. It’s about a completely color blind man who Overcomes Deficiency by finding a very creative way to live in color…
Pretend you were a guest on this weekends The Regina Brett Show — a show about young widows and widowers…coping when death comes way too soon. How would you have responded if asked the following questions? (the questions below are all directly related to those that were discussed in the actual show. I invite you to respond to any of the questions that you connect with…even if you’re not a widow or widower)
1. Describe the person you are grieving? What were they like? How did they make you feel?
2. How do you feel about the label “widow” or “widower”? Or if you’re grieving the loss of someone other than a spouse…does another label, or your perception of societies view on death and grief, make you feel that you should experience death a certain way? Would you like a new label? What would it be? How would it help?
3. What kind of “sympathy comments” from others have helped you the most?
4. Do you forgive insensitive sympathy comments from others? Do you think they’re trying to further hurt you?
5. What are five words you would use to describe yourself before your loved one’s death? What are five words you would use to describe yourself after your loved one’s death? Are you still you?
6. What has helped you to keep your loved one’s memory and legacy alive?
7. Are you comfortable bringing your loved one’s love into the next phases of your life?
8. Are you still part of a couple (with this person who is now physically absent)? If so, in what ways?
9. Do you continue to nurture the relationships you had prior to your loved one’s loss (mutual friends, in-laws, etc)? Why or why not?
10. What does it look like to “move on”?
11. In terms of clothes and other personal items, how have you decided what to keep and what to part with? Do you have any advice to offer others?
12. When do you know you’re ready to date again?
13. Grief takes away so much. Does it give too? What gifts has grief offered you?
14. Can you still communicate with your loved one?…can you still reach them? If so, how?
15. If you do still communicate with your deceased loved one, do you think this interaction prevents you from “moving on”?…or does your ability to connect with them when needed allow you to feel more at peace and give you additional freedoms in creating your new reality?
INFO ON THIS WEEKENDS RADIO BROADCAST:
I had the privilege of being an in-studio guest during yesterday’s recording of The Regina Brett Show. The show tackled the subject of Widowed Grief & Growth.
Guests included: two captivating and soulfully expressive Young Widows (Kandis Schreiber and Debbie Schoonover), a broken-nosed Young Widower with a face for radio (me!), a brilliant and passionate Grief Counselor (Jane Vair Bissler)…and the discussion was lead by award-winning columnist and author Regina Brett.
I feel proud beyond words to have collaborated with such beautiful people.
I invite you to be a part of what was created. If interested, the show will air this Saturday, October 13 at 3:00 pm and re-air on Sunday, October 14 at 6:00 am on 89.7 WKSU, 89.3 WKRW Wooster, 91.5 WKRJ New Philadelphia, 89.1 WKSV Thompson, 90.7 WNRK Norwalk and 95.7 W239AZ Ashland.
. YOU’RE INVITED TO SIGN THIS VERY SPECIAL “THANK YOU CARD” How does this card work?
Join me in signing this card at any time and as often as you’d like. Do you have anything that you’re thankful for? Simply respond below and share any loving expression of thanks that you would like to offer the world.
Or if you’d prefer, you can leave your response within an identical post on my HoneyIShrunkTheGrief.com Facebook page
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I’ve decided to make this post a Big, Permanent, & Ongoing part of HoneyIShrunkTheGrief. Why? . Because . . .
-Being grateful is life-changing. -Being grateful is only a thought away.
-Giving thanks is an act of giving, and I feel good whenever I give.
-I feel deeply connected to the world, therefore it feels most appropriate for me to share my thoughts of thanks with you/with the world. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ .
You can find my first submission below. I will be back to leave additional messages whenever I’m feeling grateful, or whenever I’m feeling low (thinking about all the goodness in my life always lifts my spirits, so I would like to get into the habit of returning to this post often).
. If you’d like to leave your own message of thanks in the comment section below, please feel free to use my format, or whatever format feels best to you.
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Or if you’d prefer to just read the collection of responses that are left over time, that’s great too. I’m grateful for You, and for your interest in giving thanks, and you’re welcome to share in this in whatever way you’d like. .
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Dear World,.
Thank Youfor giving me this place to share life and express myself. Connectedness is the oxygen of my soul.
Thank Youfor surrounding me with loving people. “You complete me”.
Thank You for the double rainbow I saw with my son David on Sunday. Rainbows take my breath away and fill me with hope. And I learned something really cool too…David told me that his teacher taught him that whenever there is a 2nd rainbow, the colors in the 2nd one are reversed…and it was true, they were! Fascinating!
Thank You for the excitement that comes with knowing that I’ll always be a student.
Thank You for the misty rain that covered me on my bike ride this morning. I felt like I was riding through a cloud!…and it felt like the world was baptizing me! Renewing!
Thank You to welovegratitude.com for being a large part of the inspiration for this post. Such a beautiful site…overflowing with love.
Thank You for the Fall season. It reminds me of all the glory within Change. It reminds me that life involves constant change. It reminds me to welcome change; to seek out its beauty — its new and nourishing perspective is everywhere. All I have to do is open my eyes…look…and feel.
Thank You for the courage to love. Love makes me wonderfully vulnerable…and opens the doors and windows of my heart…and allows the soft and warm breeze of life to freely pass through…while whisking away the daily muck that I accumulate that clouds my vision. Long live love!
Thank You for imagination. It all starts with a spark of imagination (and then throw in some creativity, and let the party begin!). I imagine this first post as a seed, that grows and grows…and becomes massive…and stands tall and proud like a big Redwood tree!…and provides shelter, direction, and nourishment.
Thank You for the courage and bravery needed to take a chance…to explore…to try new things…while following the songs of my heart. Who knows what’s behind any door? Only one way to find out :)
My son and I were just having a conversation about bellybuttons. He wanted to know why some people have “innie” bellybuttons and some people have “outies”. I did my best to try and explain the whole umbilical cord process, and how they cut it and tie it off after birth, and then how the remainder of the cord falls off days later. I’m not a bellybutton expert, but I imagine this final “fall off” phase is where the answer to his question lies? . . . being that everyone’s scrap of cord breaks off in its own unique way, resulting in an “innie” or “outie”? (Well, that’s how I explained it to David . . . please correct me if I’m wrong)
So, this conversation with my son made me think about his birth.
The doctor let me cut his umbilical cord (memorable!…definitely not something you do every day!), and then days later when it fell off, I didn’t have the heart to just throw it away. I viewed it as a special part of the bridge that connected my son to Julie, and felt a need to save it, so I put it inside a couple Ziploc bags. Eight years later, I still have it! (I was going to post a pic of it, but I decided that sharing the story was probably enough!)
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Do you have an interesting “memento” story to share? Or an unusual collection of anything? Maybe something that many people would never think about saving, but for some reason, you felt an attachment to it? What do you like to save or collect? Why?
What grief is teaching me: If you can’t change a situation, change how you feel about that situation.
I’m learning how powerful that thought is, and how much it applies to shrinking grief or any other painful or undesirable emotion. With these thoughts in mind, the big question then becomes “How do I change how I feel?”
I’ve read and reflected quite a bit on this subject. Much of what I’ve read emphasizes the importance of first addressing the “Why?“. Determining Why it’s important to change a feeling/behavior will illuminate the individual steps that make up the path to How I should go about making a desired change.
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Another really big thing I’ve experienced often, when any kind of change is being observed/discussed, is how important it is for me to realize that I have a say in what happens to me. And I believe one of the best ways for me to see that “I have a say”, is to look at any situation and determine which variables I have control over. . . then, address these potent variables in a hopeful way.
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Example:
Can I bring Julie or any loved one “back”?
No.
So this is not a controllable variable.
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But, can I connect with her love, if and when needed? Yes.
So this is a controllable variable (& one that I’ve found to be one of my strongest).
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In summary, I’m seeing that grief is teaching me a valuable skill set that applies to so much of life:
1. Determine WHY I want to change something. 2. The realization of my WHY, and the resulting tidal wave of positive reinforcement that this brings, will help me meet all the demands related to HOW I go about making a change. 3. In order for any of this to matter, I have to believe that “I have a say” in my situation/what I experience. And one of the most empowering ways I’ve found to remind myself that I do have a say, is to look at all of the variables of any situation . . . determine which ones I have control of . . . and then address the controllable ones in a hopeful way.
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Comments on any of the above are welcome.
Thank you for listening . . . and for sharing any thoughts you have.
Thanks for listening . . . and for sharing any thoughts you have.
I like this song. I like its slow steady reassuring sound and lyrics. And when I listen to it I can hear loved ones singing it to me . . . Julie, my dad, my grandparents . . . and others who are no longer physically present. I can feel them serenading me and reminding me that they’re still around.
Within my free online book, I mention the idea that Grief for me was largely about the fear of Disconnect. I had this beautiful love affair with my wife and then one day it was suddenly gone. She was impossibly gone. Impossibly dead. And I found the resulting feelings of Disconnect to be incredibly painful.
Well, I’m continuing to learn that everything is not gone, it’s just different. This realization is very comforting to me. It addresses the large and painful fear of disconnect weapon that Grief has in its arsenal. I’ve discovered that Love Will Always Find a Way, and love has found a way. I’ve witnessed time and time again how love has the ability to softly lay down one of Griefs biggest weapons — Fear, fear of disconnect — and with that disarmament comes a nourishing peace that settles my frightened soul. I’m ok. I just get scared sometimes. And rightly so.
If these thoughts resonate with you, I encourage you to watch a TED video on Youtube by Brene Brown called “The Power Of Vulnerability”. (a link to the video is provided at the end of this post.) I watched it for the first time last night and felt a big connection to grief and suffering. I also see a big connection to why I share my experiences with you here. I share myself and my most intimate thoughts so publicly with you because I see the value in being vulnerable. Being vulnerable is freeing, healing. My soul aches to be as free as possible. I have so much love to share. I want to shine, and fly, and I don’t want to do it alone. I want to connect and share life with you…and be vulnerable together.
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Thank you for listening and for being vulnerable with me.
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And here are some notes I took from the Brene Brown video:
~You can’t selectively numb emotion. When we attempt to numb a particular emotion such as vulnerability, we also numb other things such as joy, happiness, and gratitude
~Shame & Fear is what makes up “excruciating vulnerability”
~When you ask people about love…they tell you about heartache. When you ask people about connection…they tell you about disconnection. Why is this?? because Connection is why we’re here…it’s Very important to us…so it’s natural to Have A Fear Of Disconnection. ~Do we have to fear disconnection? No. ~What are some principle factors that determine whether we fear disconnection: 1. Have/Develop a sense of WORTHINESS (Do you believe your worthy of Love? Do you believe that you’re Enough?) 2. Have/Develop COURAGE (to be imperfect) 3. Have/Develop COMPASSION (to be kind to yourself…which allows you to be kind to others) 4. Have/Develop CONNECTION (with Life. this involves a willingness to let go of who you think you should be, in order to be yourself)
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Brene Brown mentions that being vulnerable is all about Loving Even When There’s No Guarantee. Isn’t that a beautiful and thought provoking statement? And I would like to add to her healing thought by contributing the idea that I believe whenever we love, There IS A Guarantee. Not that our relationship will never Be Different…but that the love that is created, will Always exist. It’s there when it’s created, and it’s still there and accessible today. Guaranteed. It just may take some time to learn how to connect with it. Understandable. Any kind of change requires growth. . .and death certainly is a big change.
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Here’s a link to the video if you’d like to reflect more on all this stuff…
We went to see some fireworks over Labor Day weekend and ended up purchasing a plastic light-up kids sword from one of the vendors. After the fireworks were over David was showing us some of his moves!…and we discovered that when the sword was in motion it had a really cool effect on film!
(the comments below were taken from a Northshore P.R.E.P.S. gymnastics “Keys to Success” document and discuss ways in which parents can help their kids overcome Fear in gymnastics. I appreciated the guidance. It also made me think about how Fear plays a significant role in Grief, and how these same thought patterns may also help to make grief less scary)
“I can’t” means it is not possible for that person to do something. This is FAILURE BEFORE TRYING, which is negative self-confidence. NEGATIVE SELF-CONFIDENCE IS A FEELING. That feeling my be real or imagined, but it is a feeling. Everyone is entitled to his or her own feelings. Telling someone “YES, YOU CAN” only tells the person that they cannot trust their own feelings and they are a failure.
So what might you do? CHANGE THE WORD “CAN’T”, TO MAKE IT POSSIBLE. Try to help the child REPLACE THE WORD “CAN’T” WITH ANOTHER FEELING WORD. “I’m scared, I need help, it’s too hard, I don’t know how to do it.” Once they have changed the word to another feeling word, you have something tangible to work with. (Personalize the progression of the skill for the child so the child can be successful.)
Get down to the child’s level by asking questions “Are you scared, etc. rather that saying “Trust me – you can.” (Don’t trust yourself, you don’t know what you are talking about.) Don’t undermine self-trust. Don’t argue with them. “Would it be less scary if we do it together? Or would it be less scary if I lowered the bar and we did it slowly?”
BEING SCARED IS NORMAL AND NATURAL AND IT’S OK! Children need to learn to deal with the feeling. They need to learn to deal with anxiety and learn how to handle it. It’s not a red light; it’s a yellow light. It’s learning how to take risk and finding the result is FUN NOT FAILURE. Being careful. Do your homework. Lower the progression, the beam, the bars, etc. Take the fear out of risk. Fear does not have to make sense. It’s an emotion. Acknowledge fear and work together to overcome it.
I believe we are each flawless, perfect miracles. It’s probably fair to say that we all need a little dusting off from time to time to fully appreciate the beauty that is us…but underneath any life debris that we each may have collected, I believe is perfection. This is a given to me.
So the question becomes, where does all the interference come from?
If we’re each perfect, why isn’t there more harmony in the world?
I posted some thoughts the other day about The Meaning of Life…and a new thought just occurred to me. Is there anything in life that has the power to hold us back and keep us from shining, other than ourselves?
So maybe The Meaning of Life simply involves becoming masters of our thoughts (specifically, loving thoughts)?
Seems to me that those who have become proficient at having loving thoughts experience the greatest of this life’s riches: peace/harmony/balance/joy/fulfillment/love/flow/happiness.
Wow, maybe I just discovered the Meaning of Life?!!
If I was on the game show Jeopardy right now, and Alex asked me what my big final round response would be to: THE PURSUIT OF MASTERING ONE’S OWN THOUGHTS…
Tough question, but I’m having fun thinking about it.
Hope you too are having fun and kicking butt in your game of life!
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(9/28/12 update: if you’re enjoying this Meaning of Life discussion, I invite you to dive deeper into the subject and check out the passionate exchanges I was involved in at the Sunny Day Talks blog site)
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“I don’t always think about grief, but when I do, I choose HoneyIShrunkTheGrief dot com. Stay thirsty my friends.” ~The Most Interesting Man In The World
My son came home with a stack of papers from his first day of school. One in particular caught my attention and made me an instant fan of his new teacher.
The “How Do I Feel Today?” handout (shown in the pic above) was given to David and his classmates. Each student was asked to color the figures that represented how they were feeling.
My son colored “Satisfied” and “Happy”, which I felt grateful to see, as those are both desired emotions that feel good. But even if he was experiencing a less “feel good” emotion, I still would have praised him…for the wonderful act of identifying the feelings that he was having.
I think this classroom handout is golden, and I’d like to incorporate it into my life. It teaches kids — and parents like me! — the importance of reflecting on what they’re feeling. This act is freeing because by addressing our feelings, it opens up millions of doors and pathways inside us, allowing things to flow…things like empowering thoughts and new ideas…things that show us how to manage whatever classroom activity life is currently presenting to us.
Thanks for listening. I feel honored to share my thoughts/feelings with you…and as always, I welcome your thoughts. How do you feel about all this? Do you feel it’s beneficial to recognize your feelings?…or can you operate just as well by letting your subconscious handle that stuff, and maybe you prefer to just react instinctively?
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Hmm, those last questions now have me thinking even deeper about this. Maybe if we get into the habit of pausing periodically to identify our feelings…and get into the habit of then proceeding in a manner that we determine to be the best course of action for things such as re-gaining balance…or feeling happiness/joy/harmony…maybe through the course of repetitive behaviors like that….our initial reactions, and our outcomes, will become more desirable/beneficial? And after we become more proficient at this whole process — one that involves Identifying and Thinking about how we choose to handle a feeling — I bet our repetitive “thinking” successes shift to a process that occurs on more of an Automatic level…one that doesn’t involve as much thinking, because the nature in which we address our feelings has then become a healthful habit…allowing us to expend more of our energy in different areas of personal growth.
While recently installing a new printer, the following thought provoking message popped up on my computer screen:
. “Now time and location are irrelevant” .
I smiled because the message reminded me of death.
When it comes to accessing love, death is teaching me that “time and location are irrelevant”. My deceased loved ones have transformed into something even greater. They are very much alive in my heart, and I continue to be amazed how they are still available anytime I need them.
More comforting proof that love will always find a way!
Ughh…I forgot to get french toast sticks at the grocery store yesterday.
I usually eat oatmeal for breakfast, but for some reason I’m really craving french toast sticks right now!
David and the neighborhood kids taught me to yell out, “That Smurfs!” when I need to get out any frustrations. They know I don’t like it when they say “that sucks”, so they came up with an alternative “G rated” word that they could safely use. I’m not even sure what “smurfs” have to do with anything, but I must say that it makes me laugh…and it made me forgot all about my tragic french toast sticks dilemma just now!
Do you have a “G rated” thing that you or your kids say that makes you feel better when an unwanted thing happens? (Like if you bump your head hard on something…or somebody cuts you off in traffic…or if you ram your shoeless toe into a corner…or you forget your french toast sticks!)
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What innocent and fun thing do you say when you feel like swearing but don’t want to swear?!
Here’s a recent conversation about pain&growth I had with my 8yr old son that warmed my heart…
David: “Daddy, I woke in the middle of the night because my legs hurt really bad. I think it was Growing Pains.” Daddy: “Awe, ouch. I’m sorry.” David: “Do Growing Pains mean I’m growing?” Daddy: “Yes, I believe they do.” David: “Oh good. That’s what I was thinking about during them, and it made me feel better.”
Is it simply, Love?
Is it the pursuit of being an unconditional “lover of all things” (including one’s own self)?…the pursuit of giving and receiving love freely?
Is the Meaning of Life, to share?
To pursue our own happiness, using our own gifts (because we each are already blessed with everything we need), while at the same time giving freely of ourselves to the world (because we are so intimately connected to everyone and everything, we feel whole when we give)?
Is the Meaning of Life to have Hopefor more (hope for a greater awareness/understanding/perspective), while at the same time being Grateful for the everything that we already have?
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Does the Meaning of Life involve just being…being comfortable with being yourself? Could you imagine, if all we were meant to do is simply Be? If all the Meaning of Life consisted of was listening to and following our hearts?
How wonderful that would be :)
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Or maybe the Meaning of Life is all about making music together (as is beautifully illustrated in this Under Pressure song from the Happy Feet 2 movie)…
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Or is the Meaning of Life something else?
And does it vary for everyone?
Or are we all on a different yet identical journey?
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Does your life feel meaningful?
When do you feel most connected to who and what you were created to be? . What are your thoughts on the Meaning of Life?
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(9/28/12 update: if you’re enjoying this Meaning of Life discussion, I invite you to dive deeper into the subject and check out the passionate exchanges I was recently involved in at theSunny Day Talks blog site)
“You’re not disabled by the disabilities you have, you are able by the abilities you have.” ~Oscar Pistorius, the first amputee runner to compete at an Olympic Games (2012 Summer Olympics, 400m and 4 x 400m relay)
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And a song titled Stand by Rascal Flats.
In honor of the all powerful, forever accessible, driving spark of love in us all. . .
I love how this beautiful (Matt Harding & Co.) video below reminds me of how closely connected we are to people from all over the world. This video contains a captivating song with soulful lyrics (“Trip The Light” by Alicia Lemke). It contains joyful people dancing from all over the world. Dancing unites souls. We’re such physical creatures on the surface, but dancing has the ability to transcend our shells, and allows our truest selves to shine…making souls effortlessly connect and flow. I love anything that can do that! And I love this video! It’s such a rewarding 4min and 53second journey. Watch it with me? Dance with me? *Caution: I have two big left feet Lol…but I’m not sitting this one out!…it looks like too much fun! Join me:)
p.s. Cleveland, Ohio even makes an appearance at 3:26! . . .
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I think my son loves our cat Zodi. He just announced, “Zodi has to be at least one of the top 100 cats in the world.”
I have to agree with him. She sure is a lovable friend.
Do you have a pet that’s at least one of the top 100 in the world, to you? If so, please tell me something about them…name, why they are special to you, or anything you’d like to share :)
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“You’re not disabled by the disabilities you have, you are able by the abilities you have.” ~Oscar Pistorius, the first amputee runner to compete at an Olympic Games (2012 Summer Olympics, 400m and 4 x 400m relay)
