A Toilet Clean Enough to Eat off of!

Posted on June 29, 2012 by EricV

What’s your favorite part of your home to clean?

I just finished cleaning my bathrooms. It doesn’t take long for my son and me to foul up a toilet when standing and peeing (hey, I’m 6’3″ tall…I have some distance to cover!). My toilets are now clean enough to eat off of (I posted a pic for proof! Join me for breakfast?!). I’m proud of myself because I decided to go old school and mix 3/4cup bleach with a gallon of water, then let stand for 10minutes and rinse (previously I was buying those expensive cleaning wipes. But liquid bleach is so cheap!, so I think I’m going to use the bleach/water mix instead from now on). I realized when I was cleaning how good I felt. I can’t say I really look forward to cleaning, but whenever I’m actually in the process, I really do enjoy it. And you can’t beat the end result — it’s very satisfying to have a clean home.

Do you like to clean? What’s your favorite part of your home to clean?

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HoneyIShrunkTheGrief in The Plain Dealer!

Posted on June 29, 2012 by EricV

I met New York Times best selling author and beloved Cleveland Plain Dealer newspaper columnist Regina Brett at a library presentation she gave this week discussing her latest book Be The Miracle (“a collection of stories and essays to inspire people to be the miracle right here, right now”). A wise friend I attended the event with encouraged me to go and speak with Regina afterward. I’m so glad I did! That chance meeting, and an interview we had together a few days later, turned into the 6/17/12 Father’s Day column that she published on page 2 of the Cleveland Plain Dealer newspaper!

If you don’t have access to the newspaper, but would like to read the article she wrote on my story, it can be found online here…
http://www.cleveland.com/brett/blog/index.ssf/2012/06/fathers_day_dad_finds_hope_eno.html

Extra Extra read all about it!!…HoneyIShrunkTheGrief is in the News!!!

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Something Great Is Awaiting

Posted on June 29, 2012 by EricV

A friend told me once, “Something great is always around the corner…doesn’t matter if you don’t know what it is”. I find such hope in that thought because while there are so many moments in my life that are full of question marks, it’s a comforting reminder to me to have faith that whatever happens is going to bring good into my life.

The combination of that quote, and today’s blue skied sunny Cleveland Ohio day, made me think of a Jakob Dylan song titled Something Good This Way Comes. Felt like a perfect song for the moment. Click below if you’d like to listen…

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Olympic Dreams

Posted on June 29, 2012 by EricV

What is something somebody said to you that made your day?…made you glow?

I went for a run the other day and along the way passed a 9 or 10 year old boy on his bike who was riding towards me. I apparently impressed him in some way because after we passed he stopped, turned around, and with the most innocent and curious tone called out, “Are you going to be in the Olympics someday?”. His question made me glow. I had a childhood dream of being in the Olympics, so when I heard his comment, I immediately connected to this deeply rooted dream and it made me feel so good inside. It still lights me up just thinking about it. I excelled in Track and Field as a child, but not so much as I got older, so my Olympic dreams got left behind in my childhood. But in this little boy’s eyes, I looked like an Olympic athlete…and in that moment, my Olympic dream came true:)

What is something somebody has said to you that made you glow?

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Home / Phillip Phillips

Posted on May 25, 2012 by EricV

I didn’t follow American Idol this year, but I tuned into most of Wednesday’s final performance show, and quickly became a fan of Phillip Phillips. Did you catch the show? What did you think? I really enjoyed his final performance that night of an original song he sang titled Home. I found his voice to be comforting, the lyrics moving, the acoustic guitar soothing/magical, and thought the drums added such a soft, yet strong and beautifully complimenting sound. I was also drawn to the fact that he looked so at ease, so in his element, and I felt such happiness for him…as those rare moments of “flow” in this life are so wonderful to witness and experience.

If you’d like to listen to his Home song for yourself . . .

Listening to that song also makes me reflect on the subject of “Home”…specifically, the things that have felt the most like Home to me during my widowed years…things that have provided me with shelter, security, safety — important parts of my environment that provided some form of grief relief. Reflecting on these things that made-up (and still make-up) my Home felt good to think about, and I thought you might enjoy the question too. What are the things that have provided you with the greatest sense of Home during your widowed or grieving days?

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The 58 year old Waffle

Posted on May 19, 2012 by EricV

Here are two questions for you to think about…followed by a true story that led to these questions.

#1 When you think about your own aging body, what is one part of your body that is changing faster than you’d like it to?

#2 What is one thing you like about getting older?

Ok, now for my true story:
I’m 38 years young. And I’m pretty cool with that. But listen to this. David (my 8yr old son) and I went to Waffle House for dinner this evening, and on the way into the restaurant a woman (whom I would soon find out was 58 years old) was a few steps ahead of us and got to the main door first. She opened the door and then motioned for me to go first while she held it open. I felt bad because I was the guy, and thought she should get to go first. Plus, her family had already gone in, and I wanted to give her a chance to catch up to them — so I motioned for her to go and went to reach above her with my long arms to hold the door for her. She then sorta body blocked my reach (lol) and insisted that I go first. And to make the moment even more comical, she then makes the comment, “I have respect for my elders” (meaning she thought I was older than her so she should hold the door for me). She then follows behind us into the restaurant, and at this point must have started to second guess herself a little because she kind of chuckled, but yet in a serious tone proceeded to say,”I dunno, you might actually be younger than me. I’m 58, how old are you?”. At first I thought she must be kidding. I mean I’m 38, she’s 58, this is all a joke right? But after reevaluating her tone and seeing her facial expression, I truly believe she was serious! I didn’t end up telling her my age though (because I think I was embarrassed for us both at this point), but in response to her question I smiled and said something like, “yeah, I’m younger than 58”.

As I now sit in front of my computer, in the comfort of my home, I’m still having trouble processing all of this — how did she mistake me for being more than 20 years older than I actually am? Maybe it should be said that I was due for a shave and a haircut, so as far as bodily hair goes (lol), I was probably looking a couple years older than if I was all cleaned up (I gave myself a shave and haircut when I got home though lol). And it also should be said that my dad turned grey when he was pretty young, and I seem to be following way too closely in his footsteps, which I struggle with, because although I’ve had women compliment me on the whole salt and pepper thing, personally, I’d rather be much lighter on the salt, and much heavier on the pepper!…because I’m starting to feel self-conscious about it making me look older than I really am, and I don’t want to look older than I really am…especially because physically, I feel younger than I am! Need help getting that frisbee down that’s stuck on top of your 3rd floor roof?? I’m your man!! I’ll climb your tree, then jump like a squirrel and scale up the side of your brick house…grab the frisbee, then slide down the gutter and be back and ready for more before you can say “Wowwww, my hero!” (ok, I made all that up, but you get what I’m trying to say…I feel young inside!). And I’m slowly starting to accept that I look older on the outside than I feel on the inside, BuT not over 20 years older like this woman suggested at the Waffle House this evening! I’m not ready to be 20 years older!

This is me as a 58yr old Waffle. Did you notice my salt&pepper hair?

So now the story comes to an end and finishes where we started!

When you think about your own aging body, what is one part of your body that is changing faster than you’d like it to?
(for me it would be my graying hair!)

And, on a brighter note, what is one thing you like about getting older?
(for me it would be having Waffle House doors held open for me! Ha!)

Responses are welcome below. Thanks!

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Thank You Mom!

Posted on May 17, 2012 by EricV

(This blog post in an extension of a post I put on my HoneyIShrunkTheGrief.com Facebook page earlier this week on Mother’s Day)

I was thinking the other day that Mother’s Day goes by too quickly, and I wanted to create a more lasting year-long way to honor all the beautiful mom’s in this world. So with those thoughts in mind came the birth of this post.

Care to acknowledge the love and gratitude you have for your mom with me?
I invite you to take a moment and comment below and share 2 special memories you have of your mom. These can come in any form. Here are some suggestions:

2 memories from the past,
or 2 from the present,
or 1 past/1 present,
or, maybe one or both, a Hope for the future.

Make it your own — whatever feels most comfortable.
I’ll start.

One (from the past): my mom would always give me one of the batter covered shiny metal beaters that came from her wonderfully loud 1970’s olive green colored Sunbeam mixer! It worked out well because I have one sibling, and there were two mixing beaters, so mom would give us each one. Such a simple gesture that made me feel so loved.

Two (past&present): I admire my mom’s zest for life. She’s very creative and makes the everyday mundane stuff, Fun! — and her actions have taught me on so many occasions that love is the most important thing.

1974 Ohio State Fair — Mom 25 years old & Eric 10.5 months:)

after reading my Mother’s Day Facebook post about the fond Sunbeam mixer memories I had, my mom gave me the biggest smile by sending me this picture of her “still going strong” 42year old mixer that she used to make cannoli’s with on Mother’s Day this year (they were Delicious!). And that 70’s green color!…Love it! lol What was it about that color in the 70’s?!…seems like everything was that color!! Do you have a favorite green item from the 70’s?? if so, I’d love to hear about it! Please share your green memories in the comment section below!!

an invitation to you…
What are 2 special memories you have of Your mom?

I invite you to take a moment and comment below. Then, if you’re lucky enough to still have your mom physically around, one suggestion would be to call her afterward, and share the responses you left here with her. And if mom’s no longer physically around, maybe you could close your eyes, center yourself, and connect with the love that you have for her in your heart…and share your responses with her that way.

Also, I’m sure some of you reading have had nontraditional mom figures in your life. (like my son David for example. His mom — my wife Julie — died when he was 5 months old…so after those first 5 months, David has since received motherly type love from others in his life. This has come primarily from his grandparents, his aunts, our neighbors, his teachers, women that I’ve had relationships with,…and well, I do my best to be both a dad and a mom too…so I hope he feels some affection from me that would have been somewhat similar to what Julie would have lovingly provided.) So if life has you in any kind of similar position as my son, I invite you to share 2 special things about someone who has been a motherly type figure in your life.

And your response is very welcome whatever day of the year this post finds you. Oh! That just reminded me of a short story that I must share with you now!…
My son said to me the other day, “Daddy, what if every day was my birthday?”….”everyone would have to live with us because there would always be a birthday party going on at our house!”.
(((David))). That boy lights up my world! How cool would that be?!…to have everyday be your Birthday! I love his thoughts…children look at this world in the most magnificent way!

So with those thoughts in mind, maybe this post can help to make Everyday, Mother’s Day!

Thank You for reading…and I look forward to hearing about Your special mom :)

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Speech! Speech!

Posted on May 10, 2012 by EricV

I just returned from the Volunteer Breakfast at my son’s elementary school. The Volunteer Breakfast is a special “Thank You” event held for parents and other community members who have volunteered at the school throughout the year. I’ve been to these breakfast’s before, and they’re always very nice, but this one was the best yet!…and I’m excited to share a story about why this year’s breakfast was extra special!

While we were all eating, the school’s principal made some informative announcements about important things going on at our school and within our district. She also extended a big and heartfelt thank you to all the parents and community members who have donated their time throughout the year. As a token of her appreciation, she purchased a bunch of colorful spring plants that were placed on the tables throughout the room, and then had a raffle and drew names until all the plants available were given away to winning volunteers to take home.

Well guess what?! She drew my name and I won a plant! Sweet!

My new plant! Isn’t she a beaut! Please say a prayer for her. My thumbs are anything but green, so she likely won’t make it through the week!

Winning the plant felt pretty good, but things soon got even better!. . .

I think when the principal pulled my name out of the basket for the plant drawing, it reminded her of my new book (which she had recently read when it was first released last month) because she then proceeded to tell everyone in the room some really kind things about it! What a wonderful and unexpected surprise! But wait, there’s more!! She then hands the mic to me and asks if I could give a 30 second speech about the book!! YiKes, I was so unprepared for this, but So grateful for the opportunity! I tried to keep it short and sweet, and gave a quick talk explaining what my book was about, and where it could be found (www.HoneyIShrunkTheGrief.com).

Pretty great morning huh?! Although I should also add that my mind has been racing ever since I gave my “speech”. I don’t feel like I crashed and burned, but I also feel like I could have done a much better job. Did you ever leave a voicemail on someone’s phone and wish you could get a “do-over”? That’s exactly how I feel. I wanted my moment in the sun to be just right, but I’m afraid it was far from it. But I also realize that I did the best I could, and what else can I do, right? Also, when I returned the mic to her, she continued on a bit more with her positive review of my book…so I think her additional final comments very much helped to express some of what was probably lacking in my description (she’s The Best!).

It’s crazy, I spend five years of my life writing a book that I feel so passionate about, and yet I have difficulty summarizing it, clearly, in 30 seconds. I wish I would have done better. But of course I can’t go back and do it again…but, I can learn from this experience, and work to make any future speeches better. Maybe it’s time for me to head to one of those Toastmasters groups that teaches people how to be better public speakers? I’m sure this would be well worth my time…as there so many things in life where good communication skills are extremely valuable.

an invitation to you…
Do you have a memorable, big or small, public speech that you gave? How did it go? How did it make you feel?

Have you had any experience with Toastmasters or any other kind of speech instruction that helped you to be a better public speaker?

Do you have any public speaking tips to offer?…things that help you to comfortably, confidently, and clearly communicate your message?

I just started reading Shania Twain’s autobiography and she talks about performing as a child, and how she would look above people’s heads when she got on stage. Does that help?…help you to relax and help the thoughts flow more freely? And I remember one of the old Brady Bunch episodes where one of the kids was taking their drivers test and was told to picture the instructor in their underwear to make the situation lighter, more comical. Does that help?!

What helps??? Help!

(responses can be left below. Thanks!!).

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Free hug! Get yours today!

Posted on May 6, 2012 by EricV

Hello dear readers! I have some exciting news to share!
HoneyIShrunkTheGrief (HISTG) is now on Facebook and Twitter!!

“Follow” HISTG on TWITTER . . .
https://twitter.com/#!/EricVaiksnoras
“Like” HISTG on FACEBOOK . . .
http://www.facebook.com/HoneyIShrunkTheGrief

My Facebook and Twitter pages are brand new, and they are in desperate need of some followers! To help entice you to become one, I’ve created the following Incentive Program (in which you have been automatically enrolled…Lucky!). Here’s how it works:

Anyone who goes to my book FACEBOOK page and clicks on the small rectangular shaped “Like” button (the one at the top of the page, under the rose pic that makes up my page banner), OR, anyone who goes to my book TWITTER page and clicks on the “Follow” button…gets….are you ready for this? (it’s Big – 6’3″ big!). . .it’s. . .it’s . . .
a GiaNT EricV Bear Hug!!!
(*some exclusions apply…see details below)

*Limited Time Offer! Act Now! THE FIRST 100 PEOPLE to “Like” my Facebook page, or “Follow” my Twitter page, will receive this Free digital hug! Supplies are limited…don’t miss out on this one-of-a-kind opportunity! I give Really Good Hugs! Get yours today!!

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*Bonus deal! — New subscribers to my blog are also eligible (to become a subscriber, click on the “Register” link on the right side of my blog home page)!

**Exception — If you are in great need of a hug, the digital hug above may be redeemed even if you don’t subscribe to any of my HISTG pages
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Ok, so my Incentive Program is not a trip to Hawaii, but the next best thing, no?! Well, likely not even the next best thing…but I at least wanted to offer you some kind of loving gesture for helping me to spread the word about my book. Thank You for any book support you are willing to provide.

Also…
HoneyIShrunkTheGrief.com has been live for one month now. During that time I’ve been working hard at trying to promote the site, to share it with others. Aside from the FB & Twitter news I mentioned above, here are some of the other promotional things I’ve been working on:

~I’ve invited fellow members of a Health Educators listserv to the HISTG website;
~I’ve reached out to fellow widow/ers online;
~I’m in the process of creating business cards;
~I’m in the process of creating a bulletin board flyer that I can post around town (libraries, restaurants, etc);
~I’ve accepted an invite to be a contributing author on a friend’s blog (click here for my first SunnyDayTalks blog post…if you could use some sunshine in your day, this is a Great place to go! Here you’ll find a collection of some really wonderful posts written by 4 beautiful women. I feel honored to be the newest member of their sunny team!)

An invitation to you…
I believe in my book, if you do too, would you help me promote it? I could really use your help! I’m one person with limited influence and resources, but with your help, this book/blog/website could be so much more!!

How you can help…
Do you have a HISTG website promotion idea that could possibly help me to reach lots of people?? If so, Please share it with me!! I would greatly appreciate your help!! Ideas can be left in the comment section below this post, or can be emailed to me at EricV@HoneyIShrunkTheGrief.com

Would you help me hang a few of my HISTG bulletin board flyers around your neighborhood?? This would be a HUGE help, as it would allow information about my website to spread far across the lands! If you’re willing to hang a few of my flyers up, please email me and let me know, and I will reply back with an email Word.doc attachment of a downloadable file of the HISTG website flyer I created. Then, if you would be so kind to print off a couple copies, and hang them up at the (respectable Lol) places that you frequent, I would be very grateful!

What’s in it for you??
Love!! Lots of love!!!…the loving satisfaction that you get when you help out somebody in need. And heck, I’ll even throw in another digital hug!!!! And if you’re within the Cleveland, OH area, I’d be thrilled to give you an “in person” hug too!!

Please help me spread some HISTG love!
Write me today with your ideas! EricV@HoneyIShrunkTheGrief.com

Thank You!!

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Teamwork/Tough Mudder!

Posted on April 27, 2012 by EricV

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Hello friends! How are you?
I’m feeling extra tough!
I recently participated in an event that has left me feeling capable of doing anything! Got a problem you need help with (said in my deepest superhero voice)??…dant-da-da-daaa…Stand Back, I will take care of it for you!!

A week and a half ago, on April 14, 2012, I completed the Tough Mudder event held at the South Amherst Sandstone Quarry in Ohio. It was a 12mile long all-terrain obstacle course designed by British Special Forces, that included 27 challenging obstacles (picture a masochistic playground made for adults!). The event is not timed, because it’s not about time. It was designed to be “a test of all around strength, stamina, mental grit, and camaraderie”. If interested, here’s a link to the official web site, which has a short video to give you some idea of what the course is like…http://toughmudder.com/

Looks pretty fantastic doesn’t it?!! Yeah, I think so too!:) And it was every bit as amazing as I hoped it would be. What made it so memorable? A few things stand out in my mind. For one, I appreciated all the unique challenges that the course presented…it highlighted the fact that the human mind/body, when motivated, can accomplish some really amazing things. More than anything else, the thing I appreciated most from this event was the fact that the course forced you to work together. And like with so many things in life, great things can be accomplished when working as a team.

I viewed my team as one consisting of every person on the course that day. Two members of this team, my running partners Marcus and Matt, had an exceptionally big and wonderful influence on me. These two guys were a huge factor in me even signing up for the event. I had an interest in doing it from the start, but I likely would not have registered had it not been for their encouragement and support. So a Big THANK YOU goes out to Marcus and Matt for inviting me to join them that day.

I also had two other running partners close to my heart that day, and I put their initials on my race shoes to remind me of their constant presence (for more on this, see the Memorial chapter in my book, Ch.6)

My son David often comes with me to running events, but because this course was not jogging stroller friendly(!), and because it typically takes over three hours to complete, I decided that this wasn’t the most kid friendly race, so I made other arrangements for him. I was happy to have a special piece of him with me though. Last year, in Sept of 2011, he used permanent markers and made me the coolest t-shirt for another obstacle filled race called the Warrior Dash (see the end of Ch9 for my Warrior Dash pic).

He drew each of the obstacles from that race onto a white t-shirt, then added a “check off box” — so that I could later put a check mark indicating that I had conquered each obstacle. I had saved his very special homemade shirt, and excitedly dug it out to wear to Tough Mudder. Wearing it that day made me feel like I had on an invincible coat of armor.

We arrived at Tough Mudder to find long lines and a huge crowd (over 13,000 participated in the two day event!). We parked our cars in a nearby lot, and waited in line to board one of the many buses that were taking people to the course. Excitement levels were high, and we all had little kid grins on our faces!

We eventually got our race bib, which we pinned to our shirts like we had done in so many other races that we ran in – but this event was a little different — and they wrote our identifying numbers in permanent marker all over our bodies as well (forehead, arm, and leg).

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The event itself represented to me everything that life should be…it was challenging, rewarding, satisfying, and shared with good friends. It will forever remain one of my most treasured memories.
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Marcus (yellow shirt in pic above) helping me (middle of pic) up the Half Pipe. This obstacle was my favorite on the course. It required such teamwork and trust. If you fell (as participants waiting in line got to witness was something that happened often) you typically would land very hard on the rough wooden board, and would get banged up as you slid to the bottom. After feeling very grateful for being helped safely to the top, I then took a turn helping up a bunch of fellow mudders. I’ll Never forget the experience of looking down and locking eyes with individual members of the crowd…that brief but intimate and intense moment shared with a stranger (who felt like anything but)…who was letting you know “I’m about to run and jump…and reach for your hand. I need you. Be there for me”. I felt such love for these people that I didn’t even know, and it was a great reminder to me to treat anyone I come in contact with as if they were my brother, son, or mother…because in so many ways, I believe that’s exactly what we are to each other — Family.

Thank You for reading and for sharing in my exciting day!!

Eric V

an invitation to you…
What makes you feel capable of doing anything?

And, do you have any stories to share involving a team accomplishment — BIG or small — that you witnessed or were a part of?…some life event that would have been much more difficult without a team effort?

(responses can be left below. Thanks!)

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Check out my book! http://www.honeyishrunkthegrief.com/book/
Feeling grateful? or feeling low? Sign the Thank You Card!

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I Love You, unless…

Posted on April 18, 2012 by EricV

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…you’re different.

The title above — I Love You, unless you’re different — is my own personal interpretation/translation of a brilliant blog post I just read (written by Dan Pearce) titled I’m Christian, unless you’re gay….

Before I proceed with sharing a link to Dan’s amazing post, I have some questions for you — important questions that you may find to be challenging. Questions that I asked myself when deciding if I wanted to write a blog about his article:

What do you feel inside when reading the title of Dan’s post I’m Christian, unless you’re gay…? Fear? Conflict? Controversy? The need to fight and defend?…(Fight and defend what?) Or maybe you feel the need to stop reading and run?…(Run from what?)

Regardless of whatever strong emotions you may presently be feeling, I ask you to momentarily put them aside and give Dan’s post the chance it deserves. I believe with all my heart that doing so will be extremely worthwhile – his post contains a tremendous power to both shrink grief and save the world.

For those still feeling a sense of conflict/fear/controversy (myself included), I’d like to put the title of Dan’s blog next to my made-up translation of his title. This act helped to ease the tension I felt in my mind, and my hope is that maybe it can do the same for you.
(note: this is not a literal translation; only one that I felt captured the essence of his entire post, and helped me to further open my eyes to his important message)

The title of Dan’s article I’m about to share with you is:
I’m Christian, unless you’re gay…
And here’s the alternate title I made for Dan’s article:
I Love You, unless you’re different

Personally, I like his title better. I think it’s brilliant because it’s provoking and warrants a response. It’s controversial and appeals to the side of me that needs to grow by stepping outside of my comfort zone. But, I fear that it may be so controversial that people will run from it and miss out on all the goodness within. I also fear something perhaps even worse – that people will appreciate his message, but will not share it out of fear of how others will react (a category I was close to falling into).

So what is his message about anyway, and why do I think it’s so important?
His message is about loving one another and loving ourselves.

Why do I think his article is capable of both shrinking grief and saving the world? Because if I live my life with a thought process founded on I Love You, unless you’re different, that means that I have no choice but to apply that same shortsighted logic to myself…and thus my perception of myself, out of habit – like it or not – automatically defers to: I Love Myself, unless I perceive myself as different.

So not only does this kind of thinking (I love you, unless you’re different) harm others by feeding a false perception that “I’m better than you”, but it also has a direct harmful impact on me. Everything in this world is so closely connected; it’s impossible to add to the destruction of others without destroying myself in the process.

POWERFUL stuff.

It now gives me great pleasure to share the blog post responsible for this discussion. I do not know this fellow single-dad-blogger, nor was I aware of his writings until just yesterday — but what I do know is that the first post I’ve ever read of his was one of the most brilliant and inspirational things I have ever come across. And apparently I’m not the only one drawn to what he has to say, as since its creation in November of 2011, his post has already been read by millions of people around the world.
To access his blog/post, click on the link directly below…

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“I’m Christian, unless you’re gay…”
by Dan Pearce
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Thanks for the great post Dan.
I’m very happy to help spread your golden message.

Love Heals — Grief, and everything else too.

EricV

an invitation to you…

Even though I instantly connected with Dan’s message and wanted to share it with you here on my site, I was hesitant to do so. I feared your negative reaction. But it was also that very same fact (being afraid) that told me I needed to explore the subject further.
Do you find value in Dan’s message? If so, are you going to take Dan up on his invitation to share his post with others?
For what it’s worth, I can tell you from my own experience that sharing it feels very freeing. I believe this stems from a sense of satisfaction for standing up for what I believe in, rather than living a life that’s controlled by my fears of how others may react (if interested, more can be read on Fear in the last section of Chapter 8 of my book). I encourage you to share his message with others. As Dan so beautifully states at the end of his post, “If it’s important to you, too, please share it. If you believe its message needs to be spread, please share it. Use your voice for that which it was meant. Use your voice to embolden the world. Use your voice to say, “enough is enough.” Use your voice to stand up and declare that there is no other way besides love. With all my heart. Please.”

Dan’s thought provoking post caused me to ask myself a lot of soulful questions…questions that I’d now like to offer to you.
Do you feel the need to “be better” than others? Why? Do you feel love when you judge? Do you feel love when someone judges you? Do you think there’s a relationship between those who judge others often and those who judge themselves often? Do those who judge others often, feel good about themselves? Do you grow when you’re criticized and made to feel that you don’t belong?…or do you grow when you’re welcomed, accepted, and loved?
Does God want us to Love or Judge?
Or to take religion out of the equation, a better question might be to simply ask…
Do You want to Love or Judge?
Why?

Dan wrote the article I just shared in November of 2011. Since then, he has written several very touching and eye-opening follow-up posts based on written and video responses from his readers. If interested, these beautiful follow-up stories can be found within the pages of his single dad laughing blog, or by clicking here.
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A Day To Celebrate

Posted on March 9, 2012 by EricV

Greetings all! Right now, as I write this, it’s a little over a week into March, and I’m excitedly preparing this website for its official release on March 31st, 2012. Having this website completed by then has become a huge motivator for me because March 31st is the anniversary date of my late wife’s death. It will mark 8 years. I can hardly believe it, 8 years. It seems like a lifetime ago since I held her in my arms, and at the same time, there are moments when it seems like yesterday.

These kind of special days are scattered throughout the year (mothers day, her birthday, our wedding anniversary, etc.), and they are usually challenging ones. I go into each of these days with the intention of celebrating her life, which would make it a happy occasion, but the challenge largely comes from the fact that I’m always fully aware of whatever occurred in the past on that particular day. In this case, 8 years ago, marks the nightmare of the most horrible day I’ve ever lived. Yet, I know for the good of myself, I feel much better if I seek out the hope in the day. So I do my best at letting any pain from the past exist in my memory, and allowing it to step forward when it needs to — it’s a part of me and belongs in my life as much as anything — yet I also recognize that my present is where I am today, and that by honoring my past in as hopeful of a way as I can, I will continue to brighten my present and future.

One of my favorite things to do with my son on special days like this, is to buy a few of those foil/helium type balloons and write letters to Julie on them with an assortment of colorful permanent markers. We then release the balloons into the air and watch them dance and slowly drift away. There’s something magical about a balloon, especially one in the air, floating away, carrying an important message. I always find the experience to be very soothing/satisfying, as does David.

I like to give my son some choice in how we celebrate days like this — they’re important and special days for him too — so I make sure to ask for his input on what he would like to do. He’s always full of great ideas. Kids are creative masterminds. One year he asked me if we could print out little pictures of ourselves, to tape to the outside of the balloons…”so mommy would know what we look like now, and that we’re doing okay”. We printed out a bunch of pictures and soon found that we had to limit our selection a little, and pick our absolute favorites, because we initially loaded up the outside of the balloons with so many pictures that they sank to the ground when we released them! We lightened them up, and then they were able to fly again, as did our hearts.

So on anniversary days like the one coming up on March 31st, we’ll be sure to do something special. Often little special things, but always meaningful special things. Another idea David once had was to go to Mommy’s favorite Italian restaurant together. We shared the most delicious meal. Another year he asked if we could go to the world’s largest candy store together (located in a neighboring town). We don’t typically eat a lot of candy, but it seemed as good of a day as any to enjoy some sweets. And I’m sure Julie was out there somewhere, smiling while watching us…she Loved dark chocolate and gummy bears…and of all things, she liked the stale gummy bears best! lol Strange, I know! Whenever we were at the store together purchasing a bag of gummy bears, we used to have to squeeze each unopened bag first, to select the bag that had the hardest/oldest feeling gummies! Ha! I’m smiling big while I’m writing this…what a fun memory!

So, well, over the years, we’ve come up with creative ways to make the best out of those lousy stinkin memorial days, and we usually get through them in one piece, often times, with some very treasured memories. Oddly enough (because I’ve never ever said this before), I’m actually excited about this upcoming March 31st. Real excited. “I feel like a kid exited”. Because this March 31st is going to be the birth of my book, the launch of this website. This is thrilling to me because I can’t imagine a more fitting day to send my book out into the world. And although this message is zipping along cable and phone lines at warp speed, I can’t help but picture it floating up into the air, like the balloon love letters that I write to Julie, and somehow finding its way to you.

Eric V

an invitation to you…
How do you like to celebrate anniversary days that are significant to you?

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A Day To Celebrate