Vulnerability

Within my free online book, I mention the idea that Grief for me was largely about the fear of Disconnect. I had this beautiful love affair with my wife and then one day it was suddenly gone. She was impossibly gone. Impossibly dead. And I found the resulting feelings of Disconnect to be incredibly painful.

Well, I’m continuing to learn that everything is not gone, it’s just different. This realization is very comforting to me. It addresses the large and painful fear of disconnect weapon that Grief has in its arsenal. I’ve discovered that Love Will Always Find a Way, and love has found a way. I’ve witnessed time and time again how love has the ability to softly lay down one of Griefs biggest weapons — Fear, fear of disconnect — and with that disarmament comes a nourishing peace that settles my frightened soul. I’m ok. I just get scared sometimes. And rightly so.

If these thoughts resonate with you, I encourage you to watch a TED video on Youtube by Brene Brown called “The Power Of Vulnerability”. (a link to the video is provided at the end of this post.) I watched it for the first time last night and felt a big connection to grief and suffering. I also see a big connection to why I share my experiences with you here. I share myself and my most intimate thoughts so publicly with you because I see the value in being vulnerable. Being vulnerable is freeing, healing. My soul aches to be as free as possible. I have so much love to share. I want to shine, and fly, and I don’t want to do it alone. I want to connect and share life with you…and be vulnerable together.

Thank you for listening and for being vulnerable with me.

And here are some notes I took from the Brene Brown video:
~You can’t selectively numb emotion. When we attempt to numb a particular emotion such as vulnerability, we also numb other things such as joy, happiness, and gratitude
~Shame & Fear is what makes up “excruciating vulnerability”
~When you ask people about love…they tell you about heartache. When you ask people about connection…they tell you about disconnection. Why is this?? because Connection is why we’re here…it’s Very important to us…so it’s natural to Have A Fear Of Disconnection.
~Do we have to fear disconnection? No.
~What are some principle factors that determine whether we fear disconnection:
1. Have/Develop a sense of WORTHINESS (Do you believe your worthy of Love? Do you believe that you’re Enough?)
2. Have/Develop COURAGE (to be imperfect)
3. Have/Develop COMPASSION (to be kind to yourself…which allows you to be kind to others)
4. Have/Develop CONNECTION (with Life. this involves a willingness to let go of who you think you should be, in order to be yourself)

Brene Brown mentions that being vulnerable is all about Loving Even When There’s No Guarantee. Isn’t that a beautiful and thought provoking statement? And I would like to add to her healing thought by contributing the idea that I believe whenever we love, There IS A Guarantee. Not that our relationship will never Be Different…but that the love that is created, will Always exist. It’s there when it’s created, and it’s still there and accessible today. Guaranteed. It just may take some time to learn how to connect with it. Understandable. Any kind of change requires growth. . .and death certainly is a big change.

Here’s a link to the video if you’d like to reflect more on all this stuff…

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Honey, I Shrunk The Grief!

A YOUNG WIDOWER DISCOVERS LOVE WILL FIND A WAY

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