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…you’re different.
The title above — I Love You, unless you’re different — is my own personal interpretation/translation of a brilliant blog post I just read (written by Dan Pearce) titled I’m Christian, unless you’re gay….
Before I proceed with sharing a link to Dan’s amazing post, I have some questions for you — important questions that you may find to be challenging. Questions that I asked myself when deciding if I wanted to write a blog about his article:
What do you feel inside when reading the title of Dan’s post I’m Christian, unless you’re gay…? Fear? Conflict? Controversy? The need to fight and defend?…(Fight and defend what?) Or maybe you feel the need to stop reading and run?…(Run from what?)
Regardless of whatever strong emotions you may presently be feeling, I ask you to momentarily put them aside and give Dan’s post the chance it deserves. I believe with all my heart that doing so will be extremely worthwhile – his post contains a tremendous power to both shrink grief and save the world.
For those still feeling a sense of conflict/fear/controversy (myself included), I’d like to put the title of Dan’s blog next to my made-up translation of his title. This act helped to ease the tension I felt in my mind, and my hope is that maybe it can do the same for you.
(note: this is not a literal translation; only one that I felt captured the essence of his entire post, and helped me to further open my eyes to his important message)
The title of Dan’s article I’m about to share with you is:
I’m Christian, unless you’re gay…
And here’s the alternate title I made for Dan’s article:
I Love You, unless you’re different
Personally, I like his title better. I think it’s brilliant because it’s provoking and warrants a response. It’s controversial and appeals to the side of me that needs to grow by stepping outside of my comfort zone. But, I fear that it may be so controversial that people will run from it and miss out on all the goodness within. I also fear something perhaps even worse – that people will appreciate his message, but will not share it out of fear of how others will react (a category I was close to falling into).
So what is his message about anyway, and why do I think it’s so important?
His message is about loving one another and loving ourselves.
Why do I think his article is capable of both shrinking grief and saving the world? Because if I live my life with a thought process founded on I Love You, unless you’re different, that means that I have no choice but to apply that same shortsighted logic to myself…and thus my perception of myself, out of habit – like it or not – automatically defers to: I Love Myself, unless I perceive myself as different.
So not only does this kind of thinking (I love you, unless you’re different) harm others by feeding a false perception that “I’m better than you”, but it also has a direct harmful impact on me. Everything in this world is so closely connected; it’s impossible to add to the destruction of others without destroying myself in the process.
POWERFUL stuff.
It now gives me great pleasure to share the blog post responsible for this discussion. I do not know this fellow single-dad-blogger, nor was I aware of his writings until just yesterday — but what I do know is that the first post I’ve ever read of his was one of the most brilliant and inspirational things I have ever come across. And apparently I’m not the only one drawn to what he has to say, as since its creation in November of 2011, his post has already been read by millions of people around the world.
To access his blog/post, click on the link directly below…
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“I’m Christian, unless you’re gay…”
by Dan Pearce
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Thanks for the great post Dan.
I’m very happy to help spread your golden message.
Love Heals — Grief, and everything else too.
EricV
an invitation to you…
Even though I instantly connected with Dan’s message and wanted to share it with you here on my site, I was hesitant to do so. I feared your negative reaction. But it was also that very same fact (being afraid) that told me I needed to explore the subject further.
Do you find value in Dan’s message? If so, are you going to take Dan up on his invitation to share his post with others?
For what it’s worth, I can tell you from my own experience that sharing it feels very freeing. I believe this stems from a sense of satisfaction for standing up for what I believe in, rather than living a life that’s controlled by my fears of how others may react (if interested, more can be read on Fear in the last section of Chapter 8 of my book). I encourage you to share his message with others. As Dan so beautifully states at the end of his post, “If it’s important to you, too, please share it. If you believe its message needs to be spread, please share it. Use your voice for that which it was meant. Use your voice to embolden the world. Use your voice to say, “enough is enough.” Use your voice to stand up and declare that there is no other way besides love. With all my heart. Please.”
Dan’s thought provoking post caused me to ask myself a lot of soulful questions…questions that I’d now like to offer to you.
Do you feel the need to “be better” than others? Why? Do you feel love when you judge? Do you feel love when someone judges you? Do you think there’s a relationship between those who judge others often and those who judge themselves often? Do those who judge others often, feel good about themselves? Do you grow when you’re criticized and made to feel that you don’t belong?…or do you grow when you’re welcomed, accepted, and loved?
Does God want us to Love or Judge?
Or to take religion out of the equation, a better question might be to simply ask…
Do You want to Love or Judge?
Why?
Dan wrote the article I just shared in November of 2011. Since then, he has written several very touching and eye-opening follow-up posts based on written and video responses from his readers. If interested, these beautiful follow-up stories can be found within the pages of his single dad laughing blog, or by clicking here.
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hi eric, you showed great courage by writing this article — backlash can leave you with whiplash:)
when i was a little girl my mother taught me by example not to prejudge others. however, i believe i was born not to judge — as were you…but it doesn’t hurt to have a good example to point you in the right direction. i wrote a short piece on the subject some years ago:
PREJUDICE
“We feel relaxed, basking in the warmth of the sun. The velvety grass beneath us caresses our bodies and invites us to linger…just a little longer.
Unnoticed, prejudice slithers silently and menacingly towards us, leaving tracks that are barely visible (and too easily covered up).
All too soon, its venom stings our hearts, poisons our minds and quickly spreads throughout our nervous system.
Once bitten, we cry out, awaiting the anti-venom. Will it arrive in time?”
often, even if we’ve been treated like second class citizens ourselves, we get some satisfaction by looking down on others. did we forget what it felt like? do we want to get even? does it make us feel bigger when we make others feel smaller? do we stand up for people who need our support? do we silently stand by while they’re bullied? do we join in with the bullies?
consider speaking up for someone who needs your support! it’ll make their day and yours:)
love, mom
THANK YOU for all of your love Mom! You’ve always been such a source of greatness in my life…and I never stop learning from you. Grateful! Love, Eric
Hi Eric, I found the link to your blog on youngwidow.org and I really feel this post resonate with me with the things I am going through with my husband’s family. He past away in November due to a drug overdose which I guess was just a first time experimentation (I dont really know because I wasn’t there and even though his brother supplied it he hasn’t been honest about it from the beginning). For the most part his family has been very judgmental of me for whatever reason and it has been very difficult to try to deal with and explain to my two young children. I have my own ways of dealing with things, I tend to internalize, meanwhile they are wailing and seem to think no one can understand their feelings and think I don’t care. So it has been very hard to reconcile my gut reaction with my overall Christian sensibility, and love them despite the hurtful things they say and imply. I know this wasn’t necessarily the context the article was written, but I still hope to have a relationship, if only for the sake of my children, with these people, and it hurts that I am not able to go between all their bickering like my husband was able to. They claim to be Christian, so you would think that death, which every human being must endure, would not be so unbearable, since I believe we always have hope. So kudos to you, and thank you for the inspiration to keep working at it, at least for a little while longer!
Glad you linked in to this. Poignantly states what I have believed for a very long time. As a recent widow, nothing becomes more obvious than the power of love and acceptance. While mourning his loss, I was amazed that my relationship with my Departed would be judged because he was “less than desirable” to many. Shame on those who didn’t know the power that love has to overcome adversity. If they could just open their minds and see the beauty in acceptance and love-what a better, happier world we would live in. Thanks for the post.
My younger daughter is only attracted to black men or hispanic women. I’ve learned to embrace my inner Lesbian. Don’t judge me. lol
~ Bear ~