www.HoneyIShrunkTheGrief.com
© 2012 Eric Vaiksnoras
“I have forced myself to begin writing when I’ve been utterly exhausted, when I’ve felt my soul as thin as a playing card … and somehow the activity of writing changes everything.” ~Joyce Carol Oates
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Writing has fueled my soul in so many ways; it has been these hope-filled memoir pages for David to open someday, messages of love to Julie, countless emails and text messages to friends and family, a way for me to connect with this world, and a way for me to connect with myself. To put it simply, writing has been incredibly healing because it has been whatever I needed it to be.
Over the course of my widowed years, I’ve gained a much deeper appreciation for the power of writing. It is a magnificent life raft that I’ve come to rely on. In my early days of grieving, I discovered that writing could be a lifeline to Julie. I had all this stuff that I needed to say, but no longer had the convenience of communicating it to her at the dinner table or wherever else we happened to be sharing life. The need to find alternative ways to express my thoughts to her was critical to my healing, and I’ve come to find that writing could very much satisfy this need.
I’d like to now share two very personal and treasured things that help to express how significant writing has been to me. The first is a poem I wrote for Julie shortly after we met. This marked the beginning of our love story. I was visiting with family in Florida, hundreds of miles away from her at the time. I remember being up alone late one night, feeling so excited to get back home to Cleveland to be next to her. I was filled with the sweet magic that comes along with falling in love and had so much on my mind that I needed to say to her but was unable to tell her directly. I had to find another way to express my thoughts—or suffer some kind of horrid lovesick death from implosion! On this occasion, that expression came in the form of the following short poem I wrote, while daydreaming about being together again when I returned home…
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Alone at last,
My heart beats for you,
Your eyes touch my soul,
I will never be the same
Eric V to Julie S (March 1998)
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Those words capture the love I shared with Julie. They mark my first written expression to her that was born from the need to be close, at a time when distance had physically separated us.
I’ll jump ahead six years later to another time I used writing to keep from imploding. This occasion also marked one of incredible emotions; it involved events surrounding Julie’s burial.
The funeral director told me I could place a small letter inside the urn with Julie’s ashes, before it was permanently sealed in the mausoleum. In many ways this felt like the last letter I would write to her, so it felt of utmost importance. It was written on the morning of her burial, two weeks after her death, and was placed inside her urn. I’m able to share it with you now because I made a copy of it to carry in my wallet.
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April 2004
Julie,
You continue to touch my life in the most unbelievable ways. You are the most amazing person. There are no words to express how much I miss you, but I am comforted by the fact that you are in heaven and away from the pain of this world. I will not let this temporary separation come between the love that we have. I know that our souls will eventually spend eternity together. I wish I was with you now, but I have to continue on here and trust in God and the plan that he has for me. Julie, you are my light and true love, and I have no doubts in our reuniting. Until that time, I will be comforted by everything that you have given me. I love you so very much.
Your hubby,
Eric V
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Whenever I have something I need to express to Julie, I have found writing to be one of the most reliable and satisfying ways to reach her.
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Now I’d like to share some of Julie’s writings. I’m excited to include these in this chapter. I see them as fitting because not only are they a powerful illustration of the magic of writing, but I also love the fact that they will give you a personal and direct glimpse of Julie. This feels extra special because within this book I have had the opportunity to speak for her, but now, and even better, I have the chance to allow her to speak for herself. This will come in the form of a collection of written works that was given to David and me from Julie’s coworkers, after she had died.
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We were given a bound copy of Dialogue Journals that Julie kept with each of her third grade students. The Dialogue Journals activity was a free-writing exercise that served numerous educational purposes—one of the most important being that it allowed Julie to connect with each of her students on an individual level, helping to create a rich and caring classroom environment.
Each student was given a notebook to write a weekly journal entry in. They were free to write about whatever was of interest to them. Julie would then collect the notebook journals and bring them home, so that she could write a response to each student’s entry.
Here are some entries taken from these 3rd grade classroom Dialogue Journals:
Dear Mrs. V.
I love school because I get to learn new things. My favorite subject is Science. I herd in middle school or high school you get to diesect a frog.
Your friend,
Stacey
Stacey,
I’m glad you like Science best. In the 7th grade I dissected a frog and a worm. It was really interesting. In 9th grade I had the opportunity to dissect a cat, that was sad!!
Sincerely,
Mrs.V.
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Dear Mrs. Vaiksnoras,
On Saturday I had soccer practice. my team played a scrimig it was fun. And I made two rockets. On Sunday I whent to church. Then I whent to a Indians game with my dad. I had a hot dog and a pepsi and candy. The twins won 5 to 2. And we left and lanched two rockets. they went far up.
Sincerely,
Shawn
Dear Shawn,
Going to the stadium to watch the Indians play is so much fun. I go and enjoy eating a hot dog too. I bet it was exciting to go with your Dad.
Shawn, I think it would be a great idea to bring in one of your inventions for your turn of Star Student. I bet the class would love to see it. I know I would.
Sincerely,
Mrs. V.
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Dear Mrs. Vaiksnoras,
I had a alltamint weekend. I built my bay blades and I build a fort with my and nobudy knows it is thore. It is made out of bushes by my friend house and it is called spooky shadows club house. we are werking on a fort in my back yard it will be so cool I can’t wait till we get it dun. I wunder if I got 100 pesent on the Math test.
Dear Daren,
Your clubhouse sounds AWESOME. I always wanted a fort when I was young. I can’t believe you and your friend built it on your own! You did receive an A+ 99% on your fact test. I’m impressed. You have improved so much. Nice job!
Sincerely,
Mrs. V.
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Dear Mrs. V. Thank you for picking me for Zoo Crew it is so much fun. Also thank you for being so nice to me and did you know a teacher was never that nice to me before?
Love,
Lisa
Dear Lisa,
I am so glad to hear that you enjoyed Zoo Crew! I knew you would be perfect for it. You seem to be feeling more comfortable in school. It’s wonderful to see. I can tell you are beginning to make new friends. You are very kind!
Have a great weekend!
Sincerely,
Mrs. V.
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Dear Mrs. Vaiksnoras, my birthday is this Saturday on Octber 18th . On my arigale birthday we’re going to Chuckey Cheesis. On the 19th of October my mom my aunt and my grandma and I will get together for my birthday. All I really need is close so I guess my Mom is going to get me close. I mite get something else when we go out on Saturday. I get to pick witch restaront we are going to and what stores. I think I’ll pick Old Navy for one of the stores. I don’t know witch restaront I’m going to pick.
your friend,
Stephanie
Dear Stephanie,
Your birthday is almost here! You are lucky that you will be able to pick out stores to go to for new clothes. You also get to pick out the restaurant. Wow! I love picking where to go to eat. When I was young my mom would make my favorite dinner (lasagna) or I got to pick out the restaurant. I always picked Italian because it was my favorite. Have an awesome birthday weekend! Happy Birthday!
Sincerely,
Mrs. V.
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Dear Mrs. V.,
I am so glad you’re my techer. I like you very mutch. And I rilly like your class too and did you know that (at my former school) my class was as nice as your class. the teachers were too. Even the hole school
Love,
Lauren
Lauren,
I am happy to hear that you are enjoying our school. I am excited to hear that your whole school was wonderful too. I was thinking that next week you could write a letter to one of your friends there in class. I am sure they would love to hear from you.
You are a special person to be friends with because you are kind, helpful, and truthful. Those are great qualities to have in a friend.
Have a great weekend!
Sincerely,
Mrs.V.
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Dear Mrs. V Winter breack was a blast. We went to Virginia. We also went with my cusins. We sall the moutons and the river it was beatuful. have you ben out of Ohio for a trip? I love going on trips after a wiell I get tierd.
Sinsirly,
Jordan
Dear Jordan,
I have driven through Virginia on my way to Myrtle Beach several times, but I never had the opportunity to enjoy the area. It sounds like you really enjoyed yourself. It is a beautiful state. I have been out of Ohio many times. I love to travel too!! 
Sincerely,
Mrs. V
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Dear Mrs. Vaiksnoras,
you are the nicest teacher I wish I could have you every year. this is the best year becuse I like 3rd grade. yore nicer then my 2nd grade techer, and shes was pretty nice.
Dear Emily,
Thank you, that was a wonderful compliment. I am very lucky to have such a smart, helpful, and hard working student like you in my class.
So, what have you enjoyed most since the beginning of the year? There is so much to pick from because everything is so new and exciting!
Sincerely,
Mrs.V.
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Dear Mrs. V.,
How are you.
How old is David.
Can you move me becouse Joe keeps on bugging me. How many more day until Summer. Are we going to put something else on the boleton board. How many more weeks until A.R is over what is the Date for when it is over. Talk to you later BYE.
Dear Evelyn,
Thank you for asking about moving you. It is important to me if you are having trouble concentrating on your work. David is doing wonderful. He started eating cereal this week. That is very exciting! 10 AR points are due by March 26th. That is the end of the grading period.
Have a great weekend!
Sincerely,
Mrs. V.
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Dear Mrs. Vaiksnoras,
I had a great weekend. I went shoping. I got a stuffed dalmashun. he’s cute and has tons of spots and a red caller. I got him where the Bamerig Diner was. they had a thing alog the sidewalk. There were tons of things. keychains, skiis, gackets, everything you could amgin. The next day I went to my grandmas. she lives next door. we went out to eat at McDonalds. I had a number 2 My grandma had a chees buger.
your friend,
Samantha
Samantha,
Your dalmatian dog sounds very cute. I think they are beautiful dogs. Every time I see a dalmatian, I think of 101 Dalmatians. That was so good.
You are lucky to live next door to your grandma. I think I would have been by my grandma’s house everyday if she lived next door to me when I was growing up. I love spending time with her.
Have a wonderful weekend Samantha!
Sincerely,
Mrs. V.
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Dear Mrs. Vaiksnoras,
I had a great weekend. We cleaned our basement. That was so, so, so, fun. I am sad my mom is going away for a week. I got to drive my dad’s deesll trackter. I allmost ran in to the deck. My brother C.J. was on the back. He made me go very, very fast. I had fun this weekend.
from
Hannah
Hannah,
Where is your mom going for a week? Life is different without mom at home isn’t it? I remember when my mom would go away with my sister for ice skating trips. They would be gone for a few days. Life would be different, but it was always exciting to see her when she came home.
WoW, a tractor ride, how fun!
Have a great day!,
Mrs. V.
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Dear Mrs. V.
I miss my dog Sandy. I don’t like it when my mom talks about Sandy. It’s wherd come home and Sandy not being there to greet me. So how is David? My mom babysits so I always see baby. My mom has a new little girl, her name is Ashley. Ashley is attached to me. This is for David.
Dear Jadyn,
Thank you for David’s valentine. I’m sure he’ll love it!
It is hard and weird when a pet passes away. They become part of the family, so when they’re gone it is different and sad. I remember I felt the same way when my dog died. It was weird not to be able to play with her anymore.
It sounds like Ashley really likes you. How fun!!
Sincerely,
Mrs. V.
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Having Julie’s co-workers give us a copy of this collection meant so much to me. These journal entries provide a unique and permanent glimpse of Julie in all her glory — lovin’ on others — in her simple and beautiful way. To me, they are a perfect example of an ordinary person living in an extraordinary way — and a perfect example of the power of writing.
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Just beautiful.
Thank you for sharing these, I never saw this before. My sister was an amazing woman.